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It’s the happ-happ-happiest time of the year!

You might ask, what time of year is that? (As if you don’t already know.)

It’s the season for Reindeer Threesome Sweaters and leg-lamp-printed sweggings (Think A Christmas Story). Ugly sweater parties are the best way to while away the hours; soon, it’ll be dark by four pm — what else will you have to do?

Throw an ugly sweater party! Do it. Do it. Dooooo it.

What’s that? You give in? I knew you couldn’t resist. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never hosted such a gathering before; that’s where we come in. Festified is the ugly sweater expert after all.

Send invitations.

A party’s no party without guests.

Order a Lighted ‘Joy to the Squirrel’ Christmas sweater for yourself; a Women’s Lighted Tangled Cat Sweater — there’s a theme, you understand — for the missus; and a Children’s Prancing Reindeer Sweater for Sally. Smile for the camera! Include the photo with your invitation, and remember to provide all the tacky details.

Send your party guests to Festified.

Your family’s all decked out, but a tacky sweater is no party with guests in tacky sweaters. We’ve got Reindeer Games Sweaters and Sweater Dresses; and Lighted Fireplace Tablet Sweaters; and Holiday Reindeer Pullover Sweaters; and even a Red Rocket Rudolph Sweater.

Don’t forget accessories.

No outfit is complete without the right accessories. This, you know, so don’t forget.

We’ve got Santa hats galore: Once, he was an Aviator, and a Giant; then, a Rastafarian and a Cowboy. (He sure gets around.) We’ve got Candy Cane Canes, and Candy Cane Scarves; hats with Menorahs, and hats with Big Racks.


You’re on your own with this one. We’re only half kidding.

The true spectacle at your tacky sweater party will be, well, all the tacky sweaters. Make your decorations minimal, as to not cause too much retinal discomfort. You might even consider making a gingerbread centerpiece — and then watch it disappear.

Play games.

Might we suggest, “Guess which sweaters light up and which ones don’t”? That’s our FAVORITE party game. Or maybe “Who came with Black Santa?”

Award the tackiest-dressed.

Devise [totally objective] criteria for how you will determine whose sweater reigns tacky supreme. This is where your crafting skills will come in handy. Design and create a personalized trophy that you will present to the partygoer deemed Tackiest-Dressed 2014.

Happy hosting!

Gobble Gobble

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